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The Friendzone

So I’ve seen this post a few times now (http://smile-magnanimously.tumblr.com/post/95980561145/how-the-logic-of-friendzoning-would-work-if-applied *shout-out to Alanah for reblogging it*) and it’s one of my favourites because it captures the concept of friendzoning so well in the analogy of a guy walking into a store feeling entitled to a job.

Yet, as much as I appreciate that post for an almost perfect and balanced portrayal of how the friendzone works, I have my criticisms of it.

For the purposes of this post, I will refer to the author as a woman because although the author’s portrayal of both genders in the scenario is convincingly accurate and believable, it was still angled towards a certain unfairness towards women in these situations.

To start with, I feel that the beginning of the post already conceals the author’s own preconception about the friendzone, “I never filled out an application.” The author implies that these people that find themselves in the friendzone do not express their interest in the girl (or perhaps a boy, can’t say that I know how it works the other way around but I’m sure girls get friendzoned too, but I’ll focus on the boys-chase-girls-don’t-chase-boys-back dynamic). The problem for me here is the way that the author is using that idea almost as a legitimate justification for friendzoning them. I know I’m making a major generalization here but stereotypically, guys who get friendzoned are generally known for being ‘nice guys’. So, it would follow that to qualify as a ‘nice guy’, one has to do nice things, right? And it would also make sense that these nice guys would then go on to be nice to the girl that they like and do what they can to appease them. Thus, as the nice guys continue to practically get out of their way to be nice to a girl, it becomes increasingly obvious that the guy shows an interest in her (or at least it should do if a guy is truly a supposed nice guy and does kind deeds). Here’s the thing, people are selfish creatures. No one can deny that (and yes, I know, assumptions assumptions assumptions, whatever, you know it’s true). Things happen for a reason, people do things for a reason. They might be nice because they simply care about this girl and want to be there for them when they need help or because he hopes that she could offer something in return (emphasis on hope, they’re not entitled to shit, the recipient of the good deeds can do whatever the hell they bloody well please and it doesn’t change anything). But this shit doesn’t go unnoticed and if you happen to have any other friends they’ll see the signals that you fail to acknowledge and they will tell you, you have an admirer. So for me, not expressing their interest is utter BS as a reason on the basis that the guys have fulfilled their roles properly as the ‘nice guys’. (And c’mon, what sort of nice guy goes around calling girls sluts in a derogatory manner?)

The second thing that strikes me is what happens in the middle of the exchange in the store. Initially, the employee declares that there are no job openings at the store. But after some badgering by the man, she then changes her story and suddenly there are now management positions which are available. Honestly, I barely understand what was to be inferred from ‘management’ (experience with sex came up as my first guess, but then again, I know literally fuck all about relationships, so that’s probably wrong) but the thing that really grabbed me was what the employee did. She (un)knowingly told a lie in order to turn him away. I don’t know whether it was intentional or that the author just simply didn’t read into it that much but it proves quite crucial to the concept of friendzoning. The act of friendzoning someone can be the equivalent of a break up for some and often, people find themselves creating excuses and telling lies in order to break free from their unwanted relationships (this much I’m sure is true about relationshits). And sometimes, the actual act of deceit lies in the fact that these employees or shops continue to lead naïve men on, knowing fully well they intend never to have a relationship with them. Although this may simply involve ignoring blatant advances made by the guy or not choosing to reject him formally, this creation of a sense of false hope is unfair to the guy who may be desperate for things to work out. And it can’t be a surprise that some guys would flip out at a girl for doing so, despite all the things he had done for her (not always because he didn’t get to tap that ass but also because he just might have wanted more for their relationship). So, I have to stress that I believe it is just as important for the guy to show that he is interested as it is for the girl to tell him that she isn’t.

The third and last point that I’d like to conclude on is the final line, “Fuck you, slut.” This has always been something that intrigued me, why would a perfectly nice guy go for someone who they had, perhaps at times, didn’t like all too well? And what’s with the nice guys and bad girls pairing (any psychologists out there?)? From my obviously pro-‘nice-guys’ stance on the topic, you could probably infer that I’m a guy. And if you are a fantastic plus kind human being, you might even say I was a nice guy (or naïve according to some girls). From my experience I can say that I’ve been ensnared by the traps of one or two ‘sluts’ as well. Clearly, the word “slut” is not used in an endearing tone in the post, nor is it used in any negative way in my previous sentence. To try and massively sugarcoat it, guys want a relationship that is rewarding, be it physically or emotionally - a sure thing perhaps. And to be blunt, a lot of guys don’t want relationships with frigid girls because literally nothing is on the table for them. It’s hard for me to write this because I know that the reason people can become so outspoken about this topic, especially in this particular light that depicts the women as the victims, is what if it’s only the hot or slutty chicks that turn these nice guys down and all of the pursuits of average or less than popular girls work out perfectly every time? So, is it then a question of the guys being out of their league? I don’t have a definite answer but I do know that just because you lower your standards and believe that you’re choosing to ‘settle’ with someone doesn’t mean things work out more smoothly. Still, that’s just one case study - not enough to prove jack.

Apologies to those who follow me and now have this huge box of meaningless words on their dashboard. ‘I’m le tired’ and I just said whatever came to mind. Hopefully I haven’t offended too many people with this (if anyone actually reads this of course), but if I have, do inbox me or whatever, I want to hear other people’s take on the matter. This has been my first fatigued rant and first time I’ve actually ‘blogged’. So, thanks :)


hiddleshrek is real

Oh dear, what do we have here? 3 ‘different’ tweets from ‘Tom Hiddleston’ who coincidentally have the same number of retweets and favourites as one another. Wait, no, it can’t be… The users who retweeted this did so in the exact same order for all 3 tweets? No, that’s impossible! There’s no way that can be right…unless, this post was created by a particular individual who aimed to attract as many ‘notes’ and attention to their post as possible, at the expense of their credibility of their online profile. This may well have been a joke or a graphic intended simply to entertain the online community, but there is no proof of such a claim here. So, I hereby judgmentally declare this post to be FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE. Honestly though, joke or not, this was some seriously amateur work, you have faked your way to thousands of notes, but please reflect upon your mistakes, for your sake. And to anyone who wishes to defend the validity of this post, come at me bro.

(Source: dilbdo, via i-couldnt-think-of-a-good-one)

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